Laurice Speaks…

How can I begin to intellectually express my thoughts and feelings at this moment? Right now, I simply will not. I am going to express myself, how I feel at this moment in time. First to awknowledge, its fathers day today. Happy fathers day to all the fathers in the universe.

I am so fed up right now. I feel like my life has been tipped upside down and shaken until every last bit of matter is removed from my soul. I honestly feel, my family has a major roll in my downfall. I am not blaming anyone, but people have roles. Im not trying to complain, but, well, we will call it as we see it. Basically, my family is something else, beyond words description. I love them dearly, but i dont know if they have the same for me. Maybe i should rephrase. I know they love me, but i dont know if the like me. Even my older brothers admit that i get treated the worst out of all the siblings. Everyone calls on me to do something and i feel like the bottom of the barrel. They like to toy with my emotions and poke at my eternal soul like it is some science project. They always push me to see how far i will go with my temper. People are soo cruel now a days. Sometimes, i dont think i belong here in this household. I am totally different from every human being and canine in this house. I personally, feel like the mortal opposite of them. What is a young woman to do?

For some time now, I have been thinking about moving out. Okay, not for some time, but for a long time! I am 20 years old and i am ready for change. My family brings me down. Its soo horrible, i am not able to be happy or be my true self in a household world where you must stay in your shell, or we will demean you back into it once you emerge. God, please help. So now, i have made a promise to myself and god. By this time next year, ehhh… June or July. I will be living on my own, in the city of my choice. Right now i am working extra hours at work to sum up the money for next year. I will not be living on campus because i dont want to deal with all of that. So, while going to school, i will be living off-camp. in an apartment and i cannot wait.

Another thing, i really hate when people lie on me to make themselves look smarter or better in the eye of the beholder. I simply feel like i am no longer in existance with my mother. Over and over again she continues to tell my family that i came home willingly from college, and attended college close by. My mother nor father didnt do SOMETHING that citizens are supposed to do and i didnt recieve financial aid and was forced to come home. I no longer want to depend on someone for my own success.

I am working so hard, to attain my dreams. Its been a hard and long road, but i see my prize in the near future. I will continue to keep my head up and toward the future and not behind me. I am trail blazing and i dont have time to look back and sulk. I am going to achieve GREATNESS. Writing is therapeutic. Cleanse the soul. Be yourself, once found.

Yesterday, was my birthday… and it was a keen display of my family values. It was also a display of what my immediate family is all about. It pains me to think how self-fish people can be. I am not materialistic at all. I think it could be characterized as the farthest from who I am. Yes I do like the occasional things here and there, but nothing excessive. Well yesterday, all I wanted to do with my family was to go out to eat, we have all agreed to this a few days prior. Before leaving everyone had their ultimatums about where THEY want to go, and how far THEY wanted to travel, and what time THEY wanted to be home… it was a total catastrophe. I was appalled and at the end, my father called me selfish. We ended up not going anywhere. I was thinking in my mind… families are not supposed to be like this. Sometimes I wonder…

God works in mysterious ways, giving us lessons and hurdles in life, requiring us to better ourselves and our future. I have learned a valuable lesson on my  quest through life. You cannot chose your family, but you can chose how to go about them and their short comings. Basically, I have vowed to myself that I would never act this way, to have my future children grow up in a good home. To value and cherish the time we all spend together, doing family things.

I am thankful for all that I am blessed with, I make sure to thank the most high all the time.  I am destined for greatness, god please help me in my journey through this beautiful life…

On June 7th, I will officially be twenty years young. I was thinking ealier today, “Am I what and where I want to be spiritually, mentally and physically?” The current answer for this significant answer is, unfortunately, no. This is the driving force and inspiration for my keen desperation to embark on a quest to really know myself, and understand the sole being of me. Laurice.

I would like to peel back a layer of one self, and really get to know myself layer by layer. Exposing my true self, and allowing my radiant soul to shine. My inner confidence to soar and not be muffled by outside influences and experiences. My physical/mental appearance to glow, and be as sweet as honey suckle nectar. A whole hearted person that is so sure of them self, that they didn’t have to doubt a single action of their being, trusting only the most highest god.

Always remember to hold your head high and conquer the world with kindness.

The Quest Begins…

When I hear of other peoples dilemmas, you cant help but think “Wow, I guess I don’t have it that hard.”  The key is I try not to complain because people are in worse situations around the world and even in our back yard. What is a person to do? Basically, every night before I go to sleep, and even sportaically through out the day, thanking god for the little things in life, and appreciating the huge factors got has put in store for us. I don’t want to sound like a nun or something, but thats how I feel. I always say, things happen for a reason, and i guess thats true.

When things get hard, i always see it as a test, to test how strong our will and determination is. Do we give up? or Keep going? Remember to always keep going no matter how hard of the battle anyone may face. Once you overcome, the feeling of euphoria is indescribable. Dont think its peaches and cream after that, there is always another problem to take its place… it may not be as hard… but it may just be a little dilemma. Just keeping it real…

“Life isn’t hard, its the people in life that makes it harder” -Unknown

Right now i feel content with my life…even though i am in a desperate search for bigger and better things. I have learned yet another valuable lesson. To be patient and let life flow. For the past few years things have been hectic and non stop stress with the everlasting events. Now…life seems to pass by with ease. It feels okay but i am used to the hustle and bustle of things. I guess you can call this a relax period, something that i never quite had. I never had the time to say that i am bored. This is a miracle. LOL. Right now i am working on scholarships and embarking on new things. May god guide me through this journey we call life.

Never confuse movement with action.
— Ernest Hemingway

Things that people say, people do, affect and effect our lives consciously and sub-consciously. My parents time and time again remind me that I own nothing living in their house. According to them, the keys i am typing on are no longer mine. Are they trying to strip me of my human rights? Lets just say the story behind that statement goes on a little longer in detail. But have you ever felt this way?

When you are a young adult trying to “grow up” in this ever evolving globe we call our world, things get very challenging and difficult with out the correct guidance. In my case it feels like “the blind is leading the blind”. I try so hard to stand on these two feet of mine only to get knocked back down, struggling to regain my strength to get up and keep going. Many times, my goals were shot out of the sky because of my parents defaults and short comings. I know some of you may say, “Go around them”, lets just say that this is easier said than done.

With financial aid, you are considered a minor or a dependent until you complete your bachelors degree. My parents did not do what they were supposed to do and I couldnt recieve financial aid from any of my dream schools. Neither did my parents tell me about their credit problems until i got to the school despite the financial aid issues which i had to resolve with out and on my own terms.

Well ladies and gentleman, because of the lack of communication and false impressions, Laurice is back at home and under her parents roof once again. Now i have to go to a local junior college and that is not where i want to be. I have learned a very important lesson.

Sometimes you cannot depend on your parents, sometimes they are the very people who morally, mentally and physically bring you down. I, Laurice, cannot stand this anymore. I will not crumble under the pressure, my route to success is only taking a small detour. I shall overcome any obstacles that are thrown my way because i have the persistence and drive to only do so. Many of my friends say “Laurice, i don’t know how you can do this, you must be torn.” Yes i am beautifully broken but must piece myself together.

To Everyone: “You’re either part of the solution or part of the problem.” -(Leroy) Eldridge Cleaver

Hello,

Laurice here, and i basically wanted to let you know that my blog will no longer be publically accessed. If you would like to see the latest posts and updates. Become a member today!!

*This is due to the amount of SPAM that I receive on a regular basis.*

Thank You,

Well, that has been the quote that has been applicable to my life with in the last couple of weeks. I am here at the school that I really have wanted to go to for quite some time. I had so many trials ans tribulations before coming here and i have overcome. Many people say i am strong, but i declare myself as determined.

I get to this university and i realize something isnt quite right. I am not approved for a loan on my stand alone basis. That i can get over because I am quite young. But the thing is that i need a co-signer. The first co-signer was denied and i was kinda mad but kinda expected it. But right now he/she is calling another person so i can actually stay in school.

It stinks cuz you get to the school you worked so hard for and cannot even pay for it. Well thats the reality of it folks. Its a tough world out there and leave no room for the weak and whimsical. So if you are one of those people… i guess you have to toughen up.

When i say things that do up must come down, i am referring to the high on life you feel when you have accomplished something great and out of the ordinary, it all comes down with something that you expect but not enough power to send you to where you first started.

Things are bound to get better, i have enough determination to last a lifetime and even more. I shall succeed even though the forces are pulling me down into a bottom less pit of despair, i shall succeed.

Knowledge is power.

HAPPY NEW YEARS!! Its officially New Years Day! I have to say I did have a great new years day with my friends. OMG…We had a pillow fight that would give you a head ache!! I mean a head ache that lasted for an hour or so.

D,T,L,M It was fun guys and we wished in the new year together and it was fun. I love you guys.

*Laurice